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Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Rating:
Pairing: Pete/Patrick
Word Count: 504, if you include the super amazing sequel.
Summary: Pete's a vampire who sparkles in the sunlight! What? Twilight? What's that?
Disclaimer: Complete and total lies. If you see your name in this, stop reading. It'll prevent a lot of awkward moments for everyone involved. Also, I don't own Twilight, which I'm profoundly grateful for.
Notes: Written for
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anon_lovefest , probably with the aid of metric fucktons of illicit substances. :3Patrick had always known Pete wasn't exactly normal, what with the never eating thing and the melodramatically cryptic shit he was so fond of. Plus, he was pretty sure Pete had taken to stalking him ever since he'd tentatively agreed to join Fall Out Boy, and that was just not cool. He totally wasn't flattered at all. Really. Instead, he kept
And hey, he ended up being totally right about the whole "not normal" thing, though what Patrick was really proud of was his own relatively composed reaction when he found out.
("So you're a vampire."
"Basically."
"Who's over a century old."
"About right, yeah."
"...I knew you looked too old to be hooking up with high school kids.")
Still, it didn't make Pete any less shitty of a bassist or any less great of a friend.
Until one day, Pete took Patrick out to a clearing, telling him he just had to show him something, and it was really important, and seriously, Patrick needed to get his ass out here because history papers worth 40% of his grade totally weren't important.
"Is it gross?" Patrick asked suspiciously, watching Pete unzipping his hoodie. Hell yes, this was much better than the War of 1812. "You're getting naked. It's gross, isn't it?"
"No," Pete said, rolling his eyes. His shirt landed in a messy heap on the ground.
"Good, because last time that rash was seriously fucking nasty, and I hope you got it checked out 'cause far as I know, that shit's not supposed to be purple--"
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Pete interrupted, and stepped out into the sunlight. Everything was silent as various forest creatures became temporarily blinded from the shine. Pete looked at Patrick, waiting for something, shock, awe, horror--
And then Patrick burst into uncontrollable laughter.
-----
"You can stop laughing now," Pete said crossly.
"Oh my god," wheezed Patrick. "I can't breathe."
"It's not that funny."
"Oh my god," Patrick repeated. "It's like--it's like a herd of unicorns shat glitter all over you." And then he dissolved into another peal of (very masculine) giggles.
"The lunch ladies think weird things about your mouth on hot dog days," Pete said.
The laughter immediately stopped. "Fucking telepathy," Patrick said, scowling.
"No, but really. This doesn't... freak you out or anything?"
"Yes, Pete," Patrick answered in a deadpan. "Sparkles are much, much more frightening than exsanguination."
Pete finally laughed, visibly relaxing.
"I got a question, though," Patrick added speculatively. "Does..." He glanced at Pete, then paused.
"Yeah?" Patrick knew he was trying to hide it, but Pete had tensed again.
"Does, like... your dick sparkle too?"
Despite not actually having to breathe, Pete still somehow managed to choke on air.
SEQUEL:
Patrick called Pete "Glittercock" for the next two weeks.
And they lived happily ever after.
January 19 2010, 00:48:25 UTC 2 years ago
oh yeah
I enjoyed this waaaay too much.January 19 2010, 21:11:15 UTC 2 years ago
Re: oh yeah
And I think I might've had too much fun writing it.January 19 2010, 21:11:35 UTC 2 years ago
Re: oh yeah
Also, that's what she said. :|July 26 2010, 03:00:40 UTC 1 year ago
July 26 2010, 09:34:57 UTC 1 year ago